


Wishful Thinking

by fairygf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Divergence - Attack on Titan S2, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Hange Zoë's Experiments, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:09:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairygf/pseuds/fairygf
Summary: Everyone seems convinced that your relationship with Hange is more than professional, except the scientist herself. Determined to redeem yourself from the alleged favoritism, you distance yourself from working in the lab, only to find out about an experiment you never anticipated.
Relationships: Hange Zoë/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

Hange’s eyes light up as she sees you enter the room. “Y/N!” She’s got that excited look on her face that she gets after successful experiments, or when she’s figured out something important, several steps ahead of everyone else. With urgency, she says, “I have something only youcan help me with. Close the door behind you.”

“Only me?” You shut the door and step forward. The office is dimly lit by candles, but even with the darkness it’s not hard to see that it’s a total mess: papers everywhere without any rhyme or reason, unlabeled bottles and lab samples scattered across bookshelves and even on the desk in front of her.

Hange motions for you to come closer, and you step forward, doing your best to keep a respectful distance from her, standing on the other side of the desk. It makes you nervous being alone with her like this. Hange looks intimidating, surrounded by books and confidential files you would never have the clearance to access otherwise. “Come on, Y/N, don’t be shy,” Hange beckons, “Like I told you, I need your help.” 

Reluctantly, you walk to the other side of her desk, standing next to the armchair where she’s seated. With a gentle tug on the straps of your uniform, she pulls you down to her height and onto the seat next to her, then wraps an arm around your shoulders. It’s impossible to tell if this means something, or if Hange’s just as unaware of physical boundaries as usual. (After all, you’ve even seen her hug Levi as if that was a perfectly normal thing to do.)

Still, you can’t breathe. This close to her, you catch a hint of the scent of her shampoo, and can see that her glasses are slightly crooked across her face. “Um… Hange…” You choke out, hoping she’ll take the hint. Hange stares at you curiously without saying anything, and as you look back at her, you notice faint freckles across her cheeks. _Fuck, I’m screwed_ , you realize. _I shouldn’t be getting this distracted._ Your mind wanders until the sound of her voice brings you back to attention. 

“Hey, Y/N, were you listening to me?” Hange smirks, seeming fully aware of your predicament. “This tooth. Do you think it belongs to an abnormal, or normal titan?” 

She brings you closer to her with the arm wrapped around your shoulders. In her other hand, she’s holding something. Between her fingers is a molar tooth, the size of a human’s. Realizing what it is, you sigh. “Hange… that’s just Eren’s tooth, isn’t it?” 

“Very good!” Hange is clearly amused. If you weren’t so close to each other, you’re sure that she would be clapping right now. “Do you want your reward?”

“My… reward?” You hesitate. Hange is looking at you again, giving you her undivided attention. Having turned towards you, her face is now so close to yours that it would take only a few seconds to bring your lips together. _Is this really happening?_ You close your eyes. You can feel her hair brush against your cheek. Right when you think she’s finally going to kiss you, Hange moves away to whisper in your ear instead, “I’m not sure about your answer, actually. Technically, it’s an abnormal titan’s tooth, not _just_ Eren’s tooth, so it’s kind of a gray area. I’ll have to do some more research on this subject.” 

Frustrated, you push Hange’s face away with your hands. “I didn’t come here to be made fun of,” You insist, but it’s hard to stay mad when she’s grinning like that, clearly enjoying her own joke. She lets go of you, and you stand up quickly, crossing your arms. “I can’t waste time up here doing nothing while everyone else is suffering on cleaning duty for Captain Levi.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she laughs, putting her hands up in defeat. “I’ve been working up here for one day… no, two days straight, and even I go a little crazy without human interaction. I could use the company.”

You try to glare at her, but it’s mostly just for show. You can’t shake the annoyance of her messing with you again, but you feel conflicted seeing the circles under her eyes, and you realize she probably hasn’t eaten anything in this time either. 

“Unless you’d rather join the rest of your squad? I can ask Levi to save some work for you, I’m sure he’d let you clean until your hands are numb.” 

“It’s fine, Hange. I’ll let it go. What did you need help with?”

Hange leans forward to pick up a file from her desk, somehow perfectly locating it amongst the mess. She passes it to you, and you sit across from her and begin to read over it. You work together for a few hours until she turns away to focus on her project from last night. Once the light from the candle has gone out, you stand up to relight it.

Light slowly floods back into the room, and you realize that at some point Hange must have fallen asleep. She’s laying with her head against the back of the cushioned chair in a crooked way that doesn’t look very comfortable. There’s a peaceful expression on her face and it’s strange to see her so completely quiet. _She must be exhausted, having stayed up so long._ It’s the first time you’ve seen her look so vulnerable, and it makes you feel something you can’t place.

A cold breeze comes in through the window. She’s wearing her dress shirt with the first few buttons left undone, and you can’t find her jacket anywhere in the room. Sighing, you take your own jacket off and place it over her. For a second, you entertain the thought of even buttoning up her shirt, but push the idea away and make yourself leave. You’re sure you’ll get scolded for not having your jacket tomorrow, but you can’t bring yourself to take it back after seeing her sleeping face. 

* * *

Sometimes it seems like Hange gives you special treatment, but other times she doesn’t pay any attention to you at all, spending most of the day working and speaking to no one except Levi. Often, at the end of training, when Levi has begun to send off other scouts to work, you’ll see Hange pull him aside with a hand on his shoulder to whisper something in his ear. At first, you were convinced there was something going on between them, but the disgusted look on Levi’s face probably says otherwise. It’s close enough to his default expression, though, that you haven’t ruled it out entirely. He’ll shoot a glare at Hange then back to you, and reluctantly tell you to stay behind, somehow looking angrier than he was before. You don’t work with Hange every day, but on the days you do, the look Levi gives you is almost enough to make you regret it.

It reaches a boiling point a few weeks later, at the end of morning training. After sending the other scouts to the mess hall, Levi asks you to stay behind, just to stare at you for longer than usual, as if he’s trying to communicate something through eye contact alone. Staring back, you begin to worry that you’re going to wither away under his glare. Levi eventually clears his throat. “Y/N,” he begins, the threat already clear in his voice, “If you take advantage of Hange, I won’t hesitate to kill you with my bare hands.” 

“Oh… Okay.” You respond, thoroughly confused. _What does that even mean?_

“Now get out of my sight. There’s only ten minutes left of break for today.”

* * *

“I think Levi has it out for me,” You sigh, setting your plate down at the mess hall. “He seems angry that I’ve been helping Hange more lately.”

“Y/N, what do you and Hange do together, exactly?” Armin asks, genuinely curious.

Jean and Connie share a look, and immediately start laughing. Sasha kicks Connie under the table. Connie kicks her back in response.

Sasha quickly comes to your defense, “Y/N, you don’t have to tell us anything about it.”

“No, it’s fine,” you explain. “I help Hange with experiments, mostly, and translate when I can. Before I joined the survey corps, I didn’t have anyone near my age in town, so I read a lot. It’s nothing special but my parents had a good library of languages and sciences before it got destroyed.”

“That’s so much better than cleaning,” Jean protests.

“Shut up Jean, can you even read?” Sasha interrupts him.

Jean ignores her and continues, “I never thought you were the type to go for Hange in the first place. I guess special treatment would convince anyone.”

“What if I did like Hange, would it even matter? She would never be interested in me like that, anyway, she’d much rather sleep with Levi than even consider it.”

“They’re sleeping together?!” Sasha chokes on her food.

“I don’t know, but it’s the only thing that could explain the way Levi’s been acting lately. It’s scary, even for him.”

From across the hall you can see the section commander’s table gathering up their things to leave. As he stands up, Levi looks over at your table with the same amount of fury you had anticipated.

“See? If anything was going on between us, Levi would personally see to it that I got eaten by a titan on our next mission.” As they leave, Hange makes a valiant attempt at either hugging Levi or jumping on his back, further proving the point.

* * *

More to prove yourself to the others than anything else, you’ve been leaving at the same time as the rest of your regiment before you can be instructed otherwise. To make up for the work you’ve missed, Levi assigns you to clean the entirety of the main building alone, and it takes you nearly the whole night. He seems somewhat satisfied seeing you do this, but his approval doesn’t make you feel as accomplished as you expected it to. _Not the way she makes you feel._ When you reach the barracks, the sun is starting to come up, and it’s completely quiet. You fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow, but don’t get to rest for long.

In the morning, the light seems almost cruel. It’s the brightest day in a long time and you’re penalized for your unknown Hange-related offenses by running laps indefinitely after training. It reminds you of early days in the scout regiment where you were overworked until you’d pass out. _Jean was right about me slacking off_ , you realize reluctantly. Covered in sweat and dirt, you feel the worst you have in a long time, but that’s not what breaks you. At the end of the day, you finally reach your bed to find a strange book resting on your pillow. _Descriptive Anatomy of Human Teeth_.

You resist the urge to throw it at the wall. You haven’t seen Hange in over a week and she’s still occupying all your thoughts and now your bed, without actually showing her face. 


	2. Chapter 2

Leaving the mess hall, you collide with Hange head-on despite waiting a strategic fifteen minutes after she had left, even at the cost of being late for training and probably suffering some unique new punishment for it. You take a step back and apologize, holding a hand to your head from the sudden crash. It gives you an excuse to look away, and also try to come up with something not excruciatingly awkward to say, which proves to be even harder than you thought. Hange speaks first.

“Y/N… Did you read the book?”

“I haven’t had much time, and it’s not really light reading.” When you finally glance up at her, you make eye contact, but she looks away first. It’s rare to see Hange look uncomfortable, and a part of you wants to make the most of it for all you’ve suffered, but mostly you just feel bad. “Were you… were you waiting for me?”

“Yes,” A pause. Hange adjusts her glasses. “Yes, I was.”

“Um… why?” It becomes clear to you that you had been dreading this conversation even more than you thought. Your stomach sinks at the possibility of breaking off whatever has been going on between you two for good.

“Come to the lab tonight. I figured out something important.”

“I don’t know if I’d have permission to—” Cutting you off, Hange steps forward suddenly, and takes your hand in hers. When you don’t move away, she places her other hand on top of yours as well, rubbing her thumb across your knuckles. Despite your best judgement, you melt into the touch, and you feel your resolve chipping away as you realize how much you missed being close to her. Hange’s completely focused on you again, and she refuses to look away first this time, though you can tell from the slight shake of her hands that she must be nervous too.

“Y/N, can you trust me? Just this once, at least.”

“Okay,” Your voice betrays you, sounding rough at the edges. “Fine.”

Hange seems surprised by your response, and she smiles wide. “Thank you, Y/N. I’ll see you tonight!” Satisfied, she releases your hand and heads out towards the laboratory. For some reason, you watch her walk away for as long as you can before heading off to your post. Just as her figure has begun to disappear on the horizon, you see her turn around, catching you in the act. She waves at you, and you feel your face grow hot. You wave back at her, feeling completely stupid. _Embarrassing. I’ve never humiliated myself this badly in my whole life._ Somehow, it still feels worth it.

* * *

When you finally reach the training field, it almost seems like you’re going to get away with your tardiness. Thinking you’ve experienced enough humiliation for one day, it briefly appears possible. But when Levi pauses his instruction of the other scouts just to single you out, you just want to curl up and die. “Y/N, do you really think you’re better than the rest of your regiment, considering you haven’t accomplished more than a single solo kill?”

“No,” You mumble. “Of course not.” It stings because you know that he’s right. While you’re ahead of the rest in terms of intellect, you’ve always been behind when it comes to battle, except for maybe Eren, who gets by with his titan abilities.

“Then tell me, what motivated you to show up this late to the training that you so desperately need?”

“It was nothing.”

“Nothing?” Levi steps forward. “You’re saying there’s no reason for your blatant insubordination today?”

Sasha stands up for you, though her voice is shaking so much that it’s hard to hear what she’s saying at first. “Captain Levi, Hange told me she needed to talk to Y/N about her research, it was important.”

“Enough about Hange. You both are a disgrace to the Survey Corps.”

You glance at Sasha, who looks like she’s going to be sick. “I’m sorry!” You bow your head in front of him. “It won’t happen again.”

“I doubt that,” Levi hisses, but he leaves it at that, walking away from the both of you to resume his instruction. When training is finally over, you and Sasha stay behind to run penalty laps until it’s completely dark outside. You’re becoming awfully used to punishments like this, and reluctantly you realize that these exercises are making you stronger, as the burn in your lungs doesn’t ache nearly as much as it used to.

Sasha, on the other hand, is hyperventilating next to you. “I think I’m going to be sick. I can’t remember the last time I’ve skipped dinner.”

“I’m so sorry, Sasha,” You feel incredibly guilty. “I’ll give you my portion at dinner tomorrow.”

* * *

When you finally reach Hange’s office, you enter without knocking, since it doesn’t make much of a difference to her anyway. It’s hard to feel presentable as your hair is sticking to your forehead, and your uniform is completely drenched in sweat and mud. Hange is slumped over her desk with her head in a book, looking like she could fall asleep at any moment. When you realize she hasn’t noticed you yet, you briefly fantasize about leaving, but you’ve already disobeyed one section commander today. “Hange,” You call out, making your presence known, “Are you still working on the walls research?”

In an instant, Hange closes the book she’s holding, and frantically throws it aside onto a pile of junk on the floor, as if it were on fire. Even for her eccentrics, it seems strange that she’d put that much effort into hiding something from you, when you have already read nearly everything in her office. “Y/N!” Hange is barely paying attention to you, rearranging the papers on her desk as if her life depends on it. Without looking up at you, she asks, “How was training?”

“Not great. I wouldn’t say I’m especially fit to be a soldier.” You can’t distinguish exactly why her lack of attention is so frustrating, but it still bothers you extensively, considering the hours of penalty exercise you just endured for her sake. 

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true,” She argues back, oddly defensive on your behalf. Butterflies stir in your stomach at her insistence, and you try as hard as you can to ignore it so it doesn’t break down your resolve. “We all have bad days, drive is what matters most.”

“It’s not a big deal, it’s not like I’m going to leave the Survey Corps or anything. Don’t worry about it.”

Hange looks up at you then. You can barely read her expression in the darkness of the room, but she seems conflicted. She opens her mouth to speak once, twice, without saying anything. Then, she orders, “Take off your shirt.”

“What?” You feel yourself blush, despite your frustration with her. This is not how you imagined this happening at all. Being criticized by Levi every day this week has made you unwilling to listen to her in a way you previously hadn’t thought possible.

“You’re covered in sweat. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable working here tonight.”

“Hange…”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” Completely unjustified jealousy washes over you, and you oblige her request. Unable to think of a compelling excuse, you slowly begin the process of removing the top half of your ODM gear, hoping to delay undressing as much as possible. Eventually, you take off your shirt as well, leaving you in just your standard-issued bra and uniform pants. Hange is staring at you, seeming at a loss for words. You look back at her without breaking eye contact, not wanting to speak first.

Eventually, she gives in. “The reason I called you here,” Hange starts, “It’s about Levi. Please promise you won’t be upset with me.”

A feeling of dread settles over you, given the possibility that your fears may be true. Though sometimes it seems attraction between the two is impossible, Hange is one of the only people that could be considered a friend to Levi. You could imagine the two of them together, even if it would be an unconventional dynamic. You fight the urge to run out of the room before she can say anything that could change your relationship. Involvement with Levi would completely interfere with you and Hange having those undefined moments of closeness in her office, and in the laboratory, and sometimes outside the mess hall. 

“I’m just going to go out and say it,” Hange continues. “I may have told Levi that you and I had a sexual relationship. To get a reaction out of him.”

You immediately bury your face in your hands, not wanting to let her see how much her suggestion affects you. “In my defense, all he does is frown! I needed to change that at least for a moment or else he’ll develop horrible wrinkles.”

You peek up at Hange through your fingers. “You told Captain Levi that, and he smiled?”

“No, he just opened his mouth to scold me. But it was a change!”

Anger rushes through you so quickly, that before you can stop yourself, you’ve already moved forward and grabbed the collar of Hange’s shirt, pulling her face close to yours. “Why on earth would you tell him something like that, if it’s not even true! I’m half naked in front of you, and you don’t even care.”

Hange looks away for a moment, but doesn’t make any effort to step back. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist teasing Levi. It’s my greatest weakness.”

“Weakness or not, he’s taking it out on me, Hange!”

“He’s harmless!”

“Levi is _not_ harmless. He’s the strongest soldier humanity has ever seen, and even if he wasn’t, he’s going to kill me because of your stupid joke!”

“Did he say that?”

Embarrassment washes over you, and you let go of her shirt at once, but before you can step back, her arms wrap around you, holding you against her chest. “Y/N, did he really say that?”

“Does it matter? It’s all a stupid misunderstanding anyway.”

“I’m sorry.” You feel Hange’s strong arms tighten around you, and it feels so intimate that it completely overwhelms you. You feel protected in a way you haven’t in a long time. Standing in front of her without your shirt, her callused hands are able to brush against your bare skin and you find your mind wandering into inappropriate places, imagining how it would feel if her touch went any further. “Y/N, I’ll talk to Levi. I’m going to fix this.”

For a long time, neither of you say anything. When you feel Hange running her fingers through your hair, you snap back to reality. “I need to leave.” Before she can react, you’re already pushing the door open, running outside without bothering to grab the rest of your clothes, having made a fool of yourself for the third time today.


End file.
